7 Years

7 Years. That's how long I've been living and sleeping in my house, in my same room. It's the longest I've lived in one house believe it or not. It's weird too. I think I got sad every time I've left the other houses, but this time, I don't feel as emotional about it. I don't know why. If anything I should feel most attached to this house. After all, I spent my formative teenage years here. I've lived here far longer than any other place I've lived. I don't know, maybe it just hasn't hit me yet because I know that I'm just leaving. My family will still be here for a week more. But it's still sooooo weird and eerie to look around my room, having it just the way I wanted it, and now its empty. I think it'll really sink in tonight when I unplug my TV and computer. To be honest, I don't want to go to sleep tonight. I am waking up in about 8 hours and I don't know if I can sleep tonight. I'll be too anxious, nervous, and any other emotion. I don't know if I can deal with it! LOL.


But it's just so weird. I can't get over how weird it will feel. I will be on my own. This is the last night I'll ever sleep here most likely. Last time I'll blog at my house, last time I'll watch a movie in my room. In about 12 hours, the room I used to know won't exist anymore. It'll be bare, empty like when I first went inside my room. For 7 years I have lived here and called this room home. Now, in just over 2 weeks, it has been dismantled, taken apart, all items removed. It is a shell of what I know it to be. Now I look around and I can't recognize it anymore. The shelves that were littered with guitar magazines and wrestling tapes don't exist. It's empty. It's really come full circle. The room will be the same it was when I first got it. Empty. 7 years of memories become just that, memories. At least while I'm in the room they feel more tangible. This is where it happened. Now, I'll just be another soul that marched through it, got my memories and will leave. Totally a weird thought.


And that's where it ends. Tomorrow morning I will for the last time, get up out of bed, get dressed, and go brush my teeth. That's it. 7 years gone. Quickly the bed will be taken apart and dragged into a truck to be sent to my apartment. Then my desk and so on and so forth. And it will be where it all started 7 years ago. Only the difference is, while the room will always be here, I won't. The memories that were here will remain in my brain, but the people who live here next certainly will not care about my memories. It'll be a new blank slate for their own memories. I'll still have mine though. All 7 years worth.

Nowhere Man

You know, one of my all time favorite quotes ever came from a Spider-Man cartoon. "Life is like a thunderstorm, unpredictable, uncontrollable and sometimes even dangerous." It's so true too. Of course, comparing a thunderstorm to life is right away given a negative connotation but sometimes you can't help but look at life in a negative view. Why am I here if it's just so hard sometimes? Right now I feel lost. Where am I going to go? I've had a pretty tough weekend the last few days. My car started fucking up, I had to spend money to get it "fixed" and it didn't get fixed and now with me living in an apartment and still waiting for the fine folks at Barnes and Noble to call me up for a job, I don't know where I'm gonna get the money for it. My parents are helping me out a bit with rent, but like food and other things, can I afford it?


Of course I KNOW that in a few years this will be a moot point. The fact is I will be making a respectable income and the petty things I worry about now won'y even be remembered then, but I can't help but thinking about it. Will I have enough money this next 5 months? Can I even GET a job out of college? I sure as hell don't want to move back in with my parents, I just want to stay down here. It's just that sometimes you feel so alone even though you know there'll be people there to help you.


"Doesn't have a point of view"

"knows not where he's going to"

"isn't he a bit like you and me?"

Kobe Bryant Thoughts

Ok, so Kobe Bryant is being brought up on charges of sexual assault. Some 19 year old from Colorado is claiming that Kobe indeed forced herself upon her. If convicted, Kobe could get life in prison. There's just so many things wrong with that that it's hard to know where to start. First, how would anyone know if she consented (which Kobe claims)? It's going to be very hard to know if that is was consensual or not. Did she just take advantage of Kobe so she could sue for the millions she knows he is worth? Second, Kobe has said already he did have sex with her, "he commited the act of adultery." Third, why would he be having sex if he's already married AND has a kid. What's wrong with him? So what if he's on the road for a few days and can't see his wife, he, as a "superstar" shouldn't be out galavanting like that when so many youngsters look up to him. Is this going to tarnish his career? You be it is, but if he made the decision to sleep around with other women and not stay faithful to his wife. If you're gonna cheat like that on your wife and be stupid enough to be famous, you deserve whatever you get. It doesn't matter if he's innocent or not, he will never live this down. His marriage is now fucked up, his life is going to be fucked up, his basketball career will never be the same. He made a mistake which he has to pay the price for. Sorry Kobe, next time use your head to think instead of your you-know-what.

Ticking away...

So after everything's said and done, where do we end up? I was talking to Dolores today and started talking about death. It's just such a hard concept to grasp and frankly our minds just aren't capable of handling it. I believe and God and all, but as people have said, what happens if we die and that's it. Nothing happens. You're completely gone. Nothing more than a mere memory. Could people psychologically not handle that thought and thus came up with "God" and an afterlife? I certainly would hope not and I for one do not think that this is why a god was created. I believe in God and do believe in an afterlife, but sometimes I wonder, what if there is nothing after we die. There is no one that I know who has come back to convince me otherwise. I know it's just the sceptic in me talking though. God is here and around us and will bring us to heaven when we die. But there's always a what if somewhere far in the depths of my mind.


This thought of death also made me think about how much there is we really don't know. Of all the billions of people who died, where do they go? Obviously there is no physical location capable of holding all those people, but is there? The universe is billions of years old, there are trillions of stars in the sky. Of those trillian stars, if only a 10th of them had solar systems that'd be a billion solar systems. Say there are 5 planets per system, that'd make for 5 billion PLANETS. Now what if they had moons? Out of all those celestial bodies, you're telling me only one is suitable for life (as we know it). It's just incredible the amount of things we don't know. It sometimes seems as if we wander around aimlessly, worry about silly things (like money) and are just meaningless in the cosmic realm. We're a speck of sand in a beach the size of this planet.


I don't know why I'm still up thinking about this at 1 in the morning, but this is what I've been thinking of. I sometimes go through times when I think that death is the be-all end-all and nothing else is after that. But I think it's just because I can't even BEGIN to understand it. Sometimes it just seems like too much.

5-0

Just a short blog today to wish my Dad a happy 50th Birthday. Happy Birthday Dad!

Things I Just Don't Understand Part 1

Some things I just don't understand is when people put their cell phone numbers in their away messages or profiles.


I know you've seen it too. The message is usually like, I am not here, call my cel @xxx-xxx-xxxx. Ok, I just don't get it. I mean, people worry about these crazy ass psycho internet rapists that are on the loose who'd just love to get their hands on some girl they meet on the internet, and people would willingly leave their phone number for all to see? Is there something I missed. I know you can block people who aren't on your buddy list, but even then there are probably people you can't stand on your buddy list who'd love to have your phone number and bother you.

Slip Slidin' Away

You know who've been listening to alot lately? Of course you wouldn't know, that's why I'm writing now. So I can tell you. Well, I've been listening to a lot of Paul Simon lately. I recently made a CD with like 23 of his songs on it (with about half being Simon & Garfunkel and the other half being Paul Simon's solo work) and the CD continually blows my mind. Every song is just fantastically awesome. Paul Simon is one of the premiere song writers of any generation in my opinion. He was one of the first to write about real things. Not the usual, oh I'm in love blah blah blah, love this love that every song. He wrote about his feelings, what he was thinking. Take a song like "I Am A Rock". It's such a beautiful song. He's writing about how love has hurt him. "If I never loved, I never would have cried." He is going to shut himself off from loving ever again, "it's laughter and it's loving I disdain. I am a rock I am an island." He ends it with, "and a rock feels no pain, and an Island never cries." I mean, wow. That's pretty deep there. Now you know why he wants to be a rock and an island.


It's things like that which make Paul Simon a brilliant songwriter. It's really like poetry put into song. It's beautiful and inspiring and thought provoking at the same time. His music with Simon and Garfunkel is just incredible. Songs like "Mrs. Robinson", "Sound of Silence", "Bridge Over Troubled Water", "I am A Rock" and so many more are just great songs. He can even have a little fun with his music too. "You Can Call Me Al" is just a fun song to listen to even though I have no clue what it's about! That's basically all I have to say about Paul Simon for the moment, but here's 10 Paul Simon songs you have to check out:


Mrs. Robinson, I am A Rock, Sound of Silence, Me And Julio Down by the Schoolyard, You Can Call Me Al, Bridge over Troubled Water, Homeward Bound, Bookends, Kodachrome and 59th Street Bridge Song.


Have a nice week!

Winging It

Dominik Hasek is back and this more than anything will have a huge effect on the landscape of the NHL. Detroit is now saddled with two all-star goaltenders (which is a problem almost any GM i'm sure would have) and we know Dom is staying with Detroit. That leaves Curtis Joseph as the lone man out. CuJo could really mess up the Wings plans by not waiving his no-trade clause, but even if he waives it, Detroit has a HUGE problem.


It's all because Armageddon is coming. No not the end of the world Armageddon. Just the end of the collective bargaining agreement in the NHL. Come September 2004 (or even later) a new agreement will be in place and odds are a salary cap will be implemented. This is where the problem comes in. No one wants to be saddled with CuJo's big contract. If you notice, there isn't a whole bunch of GM's spending money right now. It appears they are scared of what's going to happen in 2004. They don't want to be stuck in long-term contracts which will put them over the cap.


So the dilemma, who is willing to pay for CuJo? Who has enough income to spend on him? The New York Rangers do, but they spend money like water and will no doubt be over the cap for years to come. Of all the teams in the NHL, there are two desperately seeking a number one goalie. Colorado and Boston. I highly doubt the Wings will trade an all-star goalie to their biggest rivals and a team that already has 5 legit all-stars on their first two lines. So that leaves Boston. Do I see Boston spending the money needed on CuJo though? No. They have been especially stingy lately, and that's saying something.


So where does that leave us? I have a solution for Detroit. They're losing Sergei Federov to free agency. They need another big name. I say, trade Cujo to the Rangers for Lindros (who the NYR are shopping anyway) . This solves two of Detroit's problems. They need to get rid of Cujo and ger another star forward. Bam problem solved. Of course what will probably happen is nowhere near there. But hey, Rangers fans need something to cheer about, and the prospect of getting an all-star goalie is one of those things. Let's Go Rangers

Cellar Dweller

BIG news coming in today. I now officially have an apartment! I can hardly hold my excitement in. I was so nervous about finding one and now I have one! How awesome is that? It's a beautiful one bedroom in this very nice man's basement and it's very spacious for a one bedroom. It has a nice bathroom and a nice stove/kitchen area. It's just totally great. And only 5 blocks from St. Johns! I can't believe I will be living there for about a year. Though my parents are going to help pay for it, I have officially put my foot out the door and on my way to living on my own. I admit it may be rough to pay for it at first with whatever job I'll be doing for the first semester, but this is just the start. I hope to have a job by January and by July have enough saved up to move into a bigger apartment or even a gulp small house (with the parents help of course! :-P). This is just great news though! I HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!!!! All are invited to come! YAY!!!!!!


That's all I have to say for tonight! What great news though! And Dolores, if you read this during your break, I hope your lab went well and that you enjoy the rest of them for today! See you soon! Love Ya!!!! :).


GOODNIGHT!

Clay

You know who I've been listening to a lot lately? Clay Aiken. I watched American Idol 2 every week and thoroughly enjoyed all the episodes. I think the main reason I watched it was to hear Clay sing every week. He has got the single most amazing male voice I have ever heard, ever. He's just an amazing vocalist. His voice moves me. It's quite incredible. I was a bit disappointed when he lost to Ruben, but Clay got the last laugh when his single went to #1 and outsold Rubens single by almost double. His new single by the way is AMAZING. You have to hear it. Clay is awesome and I give the highest recommendations to dl his American Idol performances to hear for yourself.


In other news, D and I went to see "The Hulk" last night. I have to admit I was a bit underwhelmed by it all. I won't give away any of the movie, but the ending was absolutely awful. The move can be split into three categories really. The first third of it was boring and long, then the middle really picked up and kicked ass. The final third (the ending) was beyond suck and really put a downer on the whole movie as a whole. Of the Marvel movies out recently, I'd say this might've been the worst. The movie does have it's highlights though. I'd give it 1/2* for the story and ** for the action sequences. It loses a * though for the ending. Overall we're looking at a *1/2 star movie.


Oh, before I go, HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!!!!

Wimbledon

I'm a huge fan of tennis. I love playing it and I love watching it. Wimbledon is on now and I'd just like to share some of my Wimbledon thoughts:


Did you know that if Serena Williams loses to her sister (Venus) that Kim Clijsters will be #1 ranked in the world? Can you believe that? She has never won a major and she'll be number 1. That is ridiculous. Of course that's what they get for having computers calculate the rankings.


Andre Agassi is out. He was definitely a favorite to win it all and I can't believe he's playing as well as he has even though in tennis years he's considered "old."


Clijsters was stung by a bee in her match. That's perhaps the funniest thing I've read all week. She's playing in a major tournement and a frickin bee stings her. That's straight out of SNL folks.


Roddick and S. Williams will win I think.


In other sports news, The Mets have given up on the season and traded Alomar. To all you Mets fans I have this bit of advice taken from a Newsday Cover, It's The End Of An Error


And with that I'm done! I'm off to play tennis and assuredly beat D :-P (Well, I'll try to!!)

July

I can't believe it's July 1st already. The summer has gone by way too fast! This July should be great though. I should be moving into an apartment sooon! My brother and I looked at some yesterday but really wasn't our cup of tea or whatever people drink nowadays. I hope to have looked at ones every day this week and hopefully have one in mind to rent by Saturday, then move in two weeks later or so. God, I hope that plan works!


In other news, my family's packing all their stuff up in boxes now and it's just weird to come home and see more and more boxes and les and less of the things I used to see on the shelves and walls. Pretty soon it's going to be empty. Weirdness. A completely empty house is pretty scary. Your whole life in that house is now nothing but mere memories. You can't see the sofa where you used to watch TV or the bed you used to sleep. You can only see vague memories in your head.


But I really can't wait to move. I really want to get into an apartment soon. It's gonna be great. Have a little party with my friends, chill there, not have to worry about parents! :-). I am really looking forward to it! (Can you sense my excitement!)


Basically that's it. Maybe I'll be back later on tonight or tomorrow and throw another top ten list on here if I can't think of anything to say haha. Enjoy the day folks!